COLD SHOWERS


What were you doing over there?’ He says, with a teasing look in his eyes and a shy bit of his perfect set of teeth temptingly threatening. For the sake of the mood, on this setting and my own, I am going to have to improvise and lie. I choose to narrow my eyes and answer him with the same look and inquisitively teasing smile. I’m pretty sure he wants me to be naughtier than what I am. Talking to this other girlfriend of his, they way we did, sharing giggles and with hardly any personal space in between, even though we’ve just met, has probably got his mind to wander among images and expectations that are quite unlikely to be met. I could be wrong, maybe he, like me, is just playing along, enjoying the game of pretending one is up for more, cause, only the thought of it already builts enough anticipation, and the silly smile, and the blushing that by now is almost feverish, for we’ve been playing along for too long, so long that is getting harder by each day to keep it cool and under control. At least, for me, because I cannot even remember how I got here, to this boiling point that melts my brain taking my best judgment away. Sure I gave it a thought, a split second worth of a thought, to refrain and behave like my old self, but, somehow, by now, it’s simply just too late, and tonight, of all nights, will be the night I will make this right. My hands on the wheel now, gambling my chances, beating on the winning card that hides in my bag. Circumstances have aligned and everything about to happen, including the unbearable pain no one could ever possibly save me from, that will eventually come, has its course set and I’m blinded by desire. I played with fire and the burn marks are showing on my skin and in the sleep, that I don’t get. Now you hold my hand with yours with the for your eyes only access-pass in between, I give you the address, later on you will show, and this will be the begining, of the end. For this affair of ours was set out to fail in the realm of the heart, where I, accidentally, have crossed, stepping over the borders of this ill-advised emotional side. Still, and for now, we will plan our encounter to come, in an old-school Hollywood film manner, as my mind is set out to stop with this nonsense business of late hours cold showers.

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