COLD SHOWERS


What were you doing over there?’, he says with a teasing look in his eyes and a shy bit of his perfect set of teeth temptingly, and inquisitively, showing. For the sake of the mood, on this setting and my own, I am going to have to improvise and probably lie. I choose to narrow my eyes and answer him with the same look and inquisitively teasing smile. I’m pretty sure he, most likely, wants me to be naughtier than what I think I am. Seeing us, this gorgeous girlfriend of his and I, talking, sharing giggles and with hardly any personal space in between, even though we had just met, has probably got his mind to wander among images and expectations that are quite unlikely to be met. I could be wrong, maybe he, like me, is just playing along, enjoying the game of pretending one is up for more, cause, only the thought builds enough anticipation. This silly smile of mine and the blushing, that by now is almost feverish for we have been playing along for way too long, so long that it is getting harder by each day to keep it cool and under control. At least, for me, because I can no longer remember how it is I got here, to this boiling point that melts my brain, taking my best judgment away. Sure I have given it a thought, a split second worth of a thought, to refrain and behave like my old self, but, somehow, by now, it is simply just too late, and tonight, of all nights, will be the night I will make things right. My hands on the wheel now, gambling my chances beating on the winning card that hides in my bag. Circumstances have aligned and everything about to happen, including the unbearable pain no one could ever possibly save me from that will eventually come, has its course set, and I am by this desire blinded. I have played with fire and the burn marks are showing on my skin and in the sleep, that I don’t get. Now you are holding my hand with yours with the for your eyes only ‘access-pass’ in between, I give you the address, later on, in my room, we will meet, and this will be the beginning of the end. For this affair of ours was set out to fail in the realm of the heart, where I have crossed, accidentally, stepping over the borders to this ill-advised emotional side. Still, and for now, we plan our encounter to come in an old-school Hollywood film manner, as my mind is set out to stop with this nonsense business of late hours cold showers.

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